A blonde was hunched over the bar, toothpick in hand, spearing futilely at the olive in her drink.
A dozen times the olive eluded her.
Finally, another patron, who had been watching intently from the next stool, became exasperated and grabbed the toothpick.
"Here, this is how you do it." he said, as he easily skewered the olive.
"Big Deal," muttered the blonde. "I already had him so tired out, he couldn't get away."
*************************************************
A blonde walks into a beauty salon to get a hair cut with
headphones on. The hairdresser asks her to take them off
for the haircut and she replies "I can't, I'll die."
She proceeds to cut her hair and it looks awful.
Six weeks later the same blonde comes in for another
haircut.
The hairdresser pleads with her "Please take your
headphones off - I can make your hair look beautiful.
Once again the blonde replies "I can't, I'll die".
So she receives another awful haircut.
Six weeks later the blonde show up at the salon and once
again the hairdresser says "Please take your headphones off
- I can make your hair beautiful if you would just take off
the headphones".
"I can't, I'll die"
The hairstylist proceeds to cut her hair. While doing so
the blonde falls asleep.
The hairstylist quickly thinks to herself.
I will remove the headphones and replace them before she wakes up.
I'll make her hair beautiful.
Seconds after doing this the blonde falls off the chair. The
hairdresser checked her and she wasn't breathing.
Dying to know what was keeping her alive with the headphones
on, she places them on her head.
She hears............
"Breathe in, breathe out - breathe in, breath out."
*************************************************
What is the difference between a dead blonde and a
skunk in the road...there are skid marks in front of
the skunk.
*************************************************
What's the difference between a blonde and a
lightbulb...the lightbulb is smarter, but the blonde
is eaiser to turn on.
*************************************************
What is the blondes highest ambition in life...to be
like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
*************************************************
What can save a dying blonde...hair transplants.
*************************************************
What are the six worst years in a blonde's
life...third grade.
*************************************************
What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common...you
keep hearing about them, but never see any.
*************************************************
What do you get when you cross a blonde and a
lawyer...I don't know, there are some things even a
blonde won't do.
*************************************************
What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives
blondes crazy...a hundred dollar bill.
*************************************************
How do you confuse a blonde...You don't. They're born
that way.
*************************************************
How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries...if she
had a checkbook.
*************************************************
How can you tell when a fax has been sent from a
blonde...there is a stamp on it.
*************************************************
How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook...she gets
the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
*************************************************
What is the difference between a smart blonde and
bigfoot...bigfoot has been spotted.
*************************************************
What does a blonde make best for
dinner...reservations.
*************************************************
What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker
is on...it's on, it's off, it's on...
*************************************************
What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for
her thoughts...change.
*************************************************
What does a blonde say if you blow in her (or his)
ear...thanks for the refill.
*************************************************
What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde
hair...last years hide and go seek winner.
*************************************************
What do you call a basement full of blondes...a whine
cellar.
*************************************************
What do you call a blonde at the bottom of the
pool...an air bubble.
*************************************************
What do you call a blonde behind a steering wheel...an
air bag.
*************************************************
What do you call a blonde between two brunettes...a
mental block.
*************************************************
What do you call 20 blondes standing ear to ear...a
wind tunnel.
*************************************************
What do you call 15 blondes in a circle...a dope ring.
*************************************************
What do you call a blonde in college...a visitor.
*************************************************
What is five miles long and has an IQ of forty...a
blonde parade.
*************************************************
A blonde and brunette jumped off of a 20 story
building. The brunette hit the pavement but not the
blonde...she got lost.
*************************************************
Boyfriend said to his blonde girlfriend, I am going to
go skeet shooting .... but I don't know how to cook
skeet.
*************************************************
Question to the blonde .... why do you have an ice
pack on your chest .... to keep the milk fresh.
*************************************************
How do blonde brain cells die .... alone.
*************************************************
How do you measure a blonde's intelligence .... stick
a tire pressure gauge in her ear.
*************************************************
How to you keep a blonde busy all day .... put her in
a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
*************************************************
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you ....
run .... she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
*************************************************
How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle .... shine a
flashlight in her ears.
*************************************************
How do you kill a blonde .... put spikes in her
shoulder pads.
*************************************************
Why does a blonde wear shoulder pads .... to keep from
hurting her head as she rocks it back and forth and
said "I dunno".
*************************************************
How do blondes pierce their ears .... they put tacks
in their shoulder pads.
*************************************************
How do you drown a blonde .... put a mirror at the
bottom of the pool.
*************************************************
Why do blondes hate M & M's .... they're to hard to
peel.
*************************************************
How do you know when a blonde is making chocolate chip
cookies .... there are M&M shells all over the floor.
*************************************************
What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory
.... proof reading.
*************************************************
How do you keep a blonde in suspense .... I'll tell
you tomorrow.
*************************************************
How do you keep a blonde busy .... write "please turn
over" on both sides of a piece of paper.
*************************************************
Why can't the blonde make ice cubes .... she lost the
receipt.
*************************************************
Why did the blonde stand in front of the mirror with
her eyes closed .... she wanted to see what she looked
like when she was sleeping.
*************************************************
How many blondes does it take to play hide and seek
.... one.
*************************************************
What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence
gone .... divorced.
*************************************************
Why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven ....
she didn't know which 1 came first.
*************************************************
Why are blondes so dumb .... so brunettes can
understand them
*************************************************
Why do blondes have more fun .... they are easier to
keep amused.
*************************************************
What is it called when a blonde blows in another
blonde's ear .... data transfer
*************************************************
What does a blonde say when told she is pregnant ....
Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
*************************************************
Why don't blondes make Jello? .... they can't figure
out how to get two cups of water into those little
packages.
*************************************************
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes .... Toes Go
In First
*************************************************
Why do blondes drive BMWs .... because they can spell
it
*************************************************
Why don't blondes eat pickles .... because they can't
get their head in the jar
